Nearly Three Weeks and Counting...

Well, the creation of this post took days...and was suddenly wiped away with an accidental key strike a few hours ago. So here I go again, dishes and last load of laundry done, but it will probably be piecemeal because I am exhausted!

It's been almost three weeks...

The girls, and boys, are doing fairly well overall...and I'm still vertical. Almost. The transition has been a bit bumpy, as they usually are, and full of unexpected issues, as they usually are. Girls and boys are getting along, for the most part, although Noah is still a little lost in his role as third wheel. He is struggling, and often finds himself in a battle of wills with one or both of his sisters (he's not alone in that...), but I think the wrinkles will even out in time. His behavior has tended toward the outlandish in an attempt to garner more attention, and if I wasn't caught in the middle of it all it would be hilarious!

I wish I could say that the girls love being here, but to be honest I'm not sure how they truly feel. I know there are many things they like about their new home, one of them being their Daddy. He walks on water and they live for the moment he comes home from work. They also love swimming and swinging. But there are many things that they were not expecting, and their responses have quite honestly thrown me for a loop...

Yesterday, Tsegereda told me "America no like" meaning she didn't like America. Taking into consideration that she said it at a moment when she was tired of waiting in a doctor's office and told that she couldn't leave yet, I know that she didn't fully mean it. But I heard a ring of truth in it as well. She's eight, she's a girl, and she's come to a country that she probably thought would be full of everything and anything that she wanted but instead she finds new rules and authority and expectations (yes, you need to pick up your own underwear off the floor), needles (vaccinations), weird food, and definitely not enough pink skirts or shoes. She has often sat in her walk-in closet, visibly upset, motioning angrily that Rodas has more of this or that or dismissing her clothes with disgust. I try not to take it personally, but it is so hard when we have painstakingly worked to fill that closet. Perhaps it was too full and the more choices I provided led to greater expectations. I tried to keep things to a reasonable amount--in both clothes and toys--knowing that it was important to keep stimulation to a minimum in the beginning. But I honestly thought she would love her clothes--and she does some--but I wasn't expecting the anger and disappointment as well.

Another thing I did not expect has been their response to food. Many international adoptees have food issues when they first come home, often being preoccupied with food, eating past the point of being full, and hoarding food. I was prepared for this, setting up snack bags for the girls to keep with them wherever they went, and making sure a bowl full of fruit and a shelf of healthy snacks would always be within reach. I was not prepared for them to not want to eat anything American. At all! They seem to be waiting for the Injera (fermented pancake that is the mainstay of most Ethiopian dishes) to suddenly appear, and continually dismiss trying and eating most dishes I put in front of them. They are currently existing on scrambled eggs and plain bagels with berbere (Ethiopian spice which is essentially chili powder on steroids) on them. My attempts at Ethiopian dishes are hit or miss, usually miss, but the rest of the family does not like the food (too spicy hot and for me, too much onion), and so it is not something I am going to make every night. Plus, after numerous attempts, I have yet to make edible Injera! I have explained to the girls that they are in America now and that we will be eating American AND some Ethiopian food, not just Ethiopian food. I don't know if they understood. Tsegereda is trying a little more, but will often eat a dish one day and ask for it the next, only to shake her head and push it away when it is placed before her.

I think they are still looking for Injera to rain from the heavens...

So, I give them two options for every meal, one of which is always eggs and a bagel. They have begun to push away their scrambled eggs, and I think the bagels might not be far behind. I hate to let hunger steer their resignation towards trying and eating new foods, but they are not embracing adaptation and I am already stretched thin enough that becoming a short-order cook for three children (to be honest, Noah is almost as picky as they are) is simply not possible. Our girls are surprisingly healthy, but I still feel guilty and sad. I know that part of their treatment of food is control, part is probably mourning for a country and comfort lost, but part is probably hope that it will come back. My numerous attempts at Injera have not worked and the closest source is two hours away. So, adaptation it must be.

I'm so sorry, my girls!

On the positive side, there are things they love about being here (besides Daddy) such as swimming and swinging. They love playing in our inflated pool with the boys, and have spent numerous days sitting in the pool pouring buckets of water over their heads or wearing goggles and swimming underwater (Tse). It has taken more than two weeks, but the girls finally gave in and wore their swimsuits!!!!


We took them to Huntington Reservoir last Saturday to play in the water and mud and go kayaking if they wanted. They loved it, Tsegereda especially. The girl is a fish and I can't wait until she is ready to be in swim lessons!


The dogs also seem to be growing on them, and can finally roam the house free. Rodas will still give Silver the evil eye if he gets too close uninvited, but she has really come a long way seeing as she used to scream at the mere sight of them! Tse loves Sage and is starting to enjoy Silver as well. I really think that when she understands his background, she will recognize a kindred spirit that has been treated unfairly by those who were supposed to love and take care of him. Only time will tell. For now, I just pray that the mutts don't run over the girls in an attempt to catch a frisbee and thus set us back two weeks! (0:

As I look back over the past almost three weeks, I know that things are getting better. The tantrums are less, and less severe, for the most part. It has just been hard adjusting. I expected it from a toddler--and am pretty good at dealing with her (though her tantrums leave Noah's in the dust!). It is Tse's silent tantrums that I am not sure how to deal with. When told "no" or rebuked in any way (i.e., asked to give a toy back that she took from Rodas) she withdraws into herself and becomes unresponsive. She won't look at you or respond and simply looks down, picking at her fingers or clothes. I am sure it is a survival response learned in ET, but it is a wall that is hard to break through. We try to stay close and eventually she reappears as though nothing happened. It has become frustrating when it occurs at a time when time is of the essence, and my patience has snapped a time or two, but we at least know what to expect. She hasn't swatted at any of us for a while and can be so very delightful when she is in happy mode. Both girls are a delight and such sparkly souls...I know that they likely have some dark shadows locked in their memories, and I try to remind myself that much of their behavior probably comes from their dealing with the rough hand life has dealt them. I need to work harder at being understanding, but it is a struggle sometimes when you are the one that gets the brunt of the unpleasant behavior.

It could be so much worse, though, so I remind myself to count my lucky stars. This is what we have spent the past three years to find, and now that it is here, we can't expect it to be Happily Ever After. The girls didn't find their utopia in America...they found a family that will love them forever. WE didn't find purely sugar in Ethiopia...we found the sugar and spice that were meant to make our family complete. We will deal with spicy, because the sugar makes it all worth it!!!