The Sugar...

Okay, so as I look back on my recent posts they seem more focused on the struggles we have gone through as opposed to the blessings we are experiencing. So, this post will be devoted to the sugar we have been blessed with from the entrance of Tsegereda and Rodas into our family. I won't lie and say that the past month has not been full of challenges, and that I'm pretty sure the challenges will continue for some time...but I want to make sure and also chronicle the wonderful things that we are discovering every day about our children:

Sweet Miss Tsegereda Rosalie Mortenson...we have delighted in seeing how shy beginnings turn into vibrant storytelling, singing and dancing with our sweet rose (Tsegereda means "rose"). She has come so far in the month since she has been home! She is now willing to try different foods and even eats oatmeal and rice milk with Mom some mornings! She still withdraws at times when an answer or action is not what she would like...but we are learning how to bring her out of it and she is beginning to trust in our love and safety, I think. She is mourning for her Ethiopia, but still willing to embrace America. She laughs at Mom's jokes---and actually seems to understand them! She loves the water and her first time in a tiny inflatable pool she was floating and doing strokes!!! She is more happy than sad and she says "thank you, Mom" for clothes, snacks or dinner...which is HUGE! I love knowing that she is comfortable enough at home now to often just be a goofy eight year old girl...just like she should be. I am sure that there is much pain in her past, but she is already opening up to me about her scars--inside and out--and I think that when language becomes easier she will allow us to help her heal the emotional wounds that still hurt. She LOVES little ones, and more than once I have seen her leave her beloved swing at the playground to help a little toddler uneasy with climbing up a ladder.

She is determined to master the bicycle, the monkey bars, roller blades, and reading and writing in English...and her frustration is lessening as she is learning the art of practice and perseverance. She is an incredibly bright young woman with a glowing spirit and as I look at her sleeping at night, with little sister safely tucked in next to her, I think...yes, I am blessed.

Miss Rodas Reyne Mortenson...with a smile, dimples and laugh that could melt the heart of the coldest soul. She knows how to use them too, much to our consternation! She has a stubbornness rivaling her brother Noah and Mom and she is tough as nails. The only time the girl cries is when she is angry...I can count on one hand the number of times she has cried from pain (five shots and blood drawn count as two of those, though I truly believe she was really just mad that we would have the audacity to make her go through such a thing!). She is often very warm and affectionate, especially to her family. She loves chasing her older brother Wyatt through the house, trying to plant kisses on his arms. I love hearing her at night say "Luv you Noah," after she and I tuck Noah into bed. She has a huge heart and though she and I often find ourselves in a battle of wills, she still loves to hug and plant kisses on Mom's cheek every night no matter how tough the struggle over teeth brushing or why she can't wear her Tiana pj's (in the wash) has been. She will do anything for her big sister, often at the expense of her own happiness...to the extent of handing over to her a cherished doll or eating Cheerios (yes!). Her language skills are excellent, and she is picking up English quickly although she still prefers to use Tigrinya. Many of her motor skills are impressive as well--the girl can fold blankets with a precision that rivals her PopPop's! She is a wonderful helper and can often be found helping Mom or Dad water plants outside, weed, or do laundry. When it is laundry time, she pulls the clothes out of the dryer and hands them to me, telling me who they belong to with amazing accuracy. She can tell the difference between Wyatt and Noah's underwear (and I would bet a large sum of money that even her Dad can't do that!), although she also consistently says that Colt's boxers are Wyatt's and that one truly boggles me! I hold them up and say "Wyatt's???" and she lets out a cute giggle and say's "nooooo, Daddy's!" with a sheepish grin.


One thing that I am in awe of is the girls' devotion to each other. They do everything together and go everywhere together. If one has to go to the bathroom at night, they wake the other and go together. If one wants to go swing, the other (usually Rodas) will put down their bane (bagel) or doll and go swing. If one is wearing a skirt, the other one will often demand to wear a skirt as well. It is endearing, sometimes frustrating, and a little heartbreaking as we are beginning to realize that it might not just be a habit of comfort, but an ingrained protective measure. I am hoping that I am wrong, and consistently tell them that they are safe here, that Mommy and Daddy are gentle and love them. I pray for the time when Tsegereda feels comfortable enough to go to the bathroom at night, alone, and when Rodas will feel comfortable enough to impart her affection fully out of true love for us, as she does with sister, not partially as a survival method to maintain our protection.

The day will come, we will make sure of it. And until then, Colt and I will work hard to let our Sugar and Spice, and their brothers as well, know that their Mom and Dad are truly blessed by all of them.

The Balancing Act

I think we are entering into a new phase...the balancing act. The boys have started to whine about the extra attention that the girls are receiving, and when my attention is on the boys, the girls (usually Tse) will try to divert my attention back to her. It was noticeable at soccer camp when I was trying to video Wyatt's scrimages and Tse would constantly pull my arms and want me to video her instead. It was also noticeable on Saturday when we went to Huntington Reservoir to watch Dad and Wyatt do the San Rafael Triathalon...(which, by the way, my boys did AWESOME!!! Will toot their horns a little later...)...we got up at dawn and the moment my attention was focused on Colt and Wyatt, Tse started whining and complaining of stomach pains. She usually lets me know about every little twitch and itch she has so I wasn't too worried, but then when Colt entered the water to start the race, she really started grimacing and doubling over. She has begun to take a liking to burrito's, and had eaten TWO the previous day for lunch and I thought maybe it was revenge of the beans. Knowing gas pains can feel pretty nasty, I took her to the bathroom to try to "release" the pain. No go. I honestly felt she was probably fine, but there's always that nagging voice in the back of your mind...what if....

Colt was coming in on his bike and she had almost had tears in her eyes. Colt set off on his run and we tried the bathroom once more. Nope. Colt finished the race (FIFTH overall and FIRST in the Clydesdale division--way to go, Honey!!!) and BAM! All better! She laughed and showed me how when she moved the waistband of her pants (stretch elastic and definitely not too tight) lower she didn't hurt anymore. I mentally threw my hands up!

How will I ever know if she is truly in pain and in need of a doctor when she blows things out of proportion like this??? Arghhh.

The root of it all: insecurity. I know this, and try not to let it get to me. Silver still does it, with his clinginess and the fact that anytime I pet Sage he immediately wiggles in between us and demands attention. He's been home over a year. The thing is, it doesn't bother Sage, but it does bother Wyatt that his sister does it. So, I have to figure out ways to steal time to play a game with just Wyatt or have a chat with him, minus the sisters, so that he can feel secure as well. Noah needs it as well, and trying to give each one-on-one time AND get laundry done, meals cooked, etc., well, it's tough. It's not easy and I know that Wyatt and Noah truly don't understand the need their sisters have of reassuring themselves of us. I know that both sides are not seeing the attention they DO get but only what is not directed their way. It is frustrating as I constantly feel pulled and know that ALL sides are insecure and need the attention as reassurance. I'm not the best juggler, so I really hope I don't let one of these balls fall!!!

As for the Triathalon, I just have to mention how well my boys did because I am so darn proud of both of them!!! As I said above, Colt was FIFTH overall and First in the Clydesdale Division (men 200 lbs. and above) and SECOND in his age class. What a stud, eh? I wasn't so sure Wyatt was ready for a Junior Triathalon (kids up to 17 yrs. old) yet as his swimming is not that strong, but Colt thought he was ready to see what it was about, so we let him do it. He did much better than I expected (I don't like to think of myself as a pessimist, just a realist, and I simply REALLY didn't want to see my baby's feelings hurt by being one of the last ones out of the water...). He was the 29th one out of the water (out of 37 kids racing) and about the same off his bike. When he hit the pavement, my boy FLEW!!!!!! He finished 20th overall, with the THIRD fastest running time!!!!! Wahoo!!!! What's even more....he LOVED it! So much so that he and Dad registered to do the Scofield Triathalon this Saturday! IF you're around the area then, come by and see my dynamic duo strut their stuff!Take a look at some pics from this fun day...

Hooray for Cheerios!

Well, we're still putting along. Somedays it feels like we're taking steps backwards...other days, we seem to make giant leaps. One of the greatest struggles still has been trying to diversify the girls' diet. Colt and the boys went to Salt Lake City on the 3rd and brought home oodles of Injera for the girls, which we have frozen and ration out one per day. Rodas would rather have bagel, but the Injera has been very much appreciated by Tse. Tse also seems to understand that the cooking as it was in Ethiopia is just not going to happen, so she has started to widen her food choices. She now enjoys rice and bean burritos for lunch and the other day she ate a whole bowl of cheerios, with a little rice milk, for breakfast! That day she actually ate three very good, nutritious meals and she was awarded a doll! Since then, she has eaten much better. It is still hard to get her to try a new thing if she doesn't like the looks of it (such as the spicy peanut chicken that I made last night), but she knows if she doesn't then she will not get anything else to eat. Sometimes it doesn't matter (she's eaten a good lunch and she'd rather go without dinner than try something she doesn't want). Going without is obviously not a big deal for either of them, probably because they've done it many times before...The Fourth of July was spent roasting hot dogs (which the girls definitely did NOT like) and marshmallows (once again, girls did NOT like...though I seriously cannot see how anyone can say no to a perfectly roasted marshmallow...) and lighting fireworks on the driveway. Let Freedom RING!!!!

Wyatt and Noah have had a soccer camp all week at the elementary school, and the girls and I took the chance to clean the school fish tank and introduce Tse to her new school--minus the chaotic cacophony of students. We also were able to meet with Wyatt's First Grade teacher and he showed Tse his classroom and all the fun toys and games they use to make learning fun. She impressed him with her counting and recitation of the alphabet and even sang him a song! I was amazed, as I expected her not to even say a word and be shy the whole time. I know that knowing he is at the school will be a big comfort for her when the time comes to truly attend. He has been such a source of optimism and support...THANK YOU, MR. A!!!! Tse is very scared about school, but hopefully we have enough time to ease some of her concerns and build her English, and confidence, up.

Noah is sportin' a new 'do (his church Primary leaders were told in no uncertain terms by Noah that it was NOT a hair cut, but a HAIR STYLE...) and we're hoping that it gives him the extra attention that he's been cravin'. It's kind-of growing on me...

Nearly Three Weeks and Counting...

Well, the creation of this post took days...and was suddenly wiped away with an accidental key strike a few hours ago. So here I go again, dishes and last load of laundry done, but it will probably be piecemeal because I am exhausted!

It's been almost three weeks...

The girls, and boys, are doing fairly well overall...and I'm still vertical. Almost. The transition has been a bit bumpy, as they usually are, and full of unexpected issues, as they usually are. Girls and boys are getting along, for the most part, although Noah is still a little lost in his role as third wheel. He is struggling, and often finds himself in a battle of wills with one or both of his sisters (he's not alone in that...), but I think the wrinkles will even out in time. His behavior has tended toward the outlandish in an attempt to garner more attention, and if I wasn't caught in the middle of it all it would be hilarious!

I wish I could say that the girls love being here, but to be honest I'm not sure how they truly feel. I know there are many things they like about their new home, one of them being their Daddy. He walks on water and they live for the moment he comes home from work. They also love swimming and swinging. But there are many things that they were not expecting, and their responses have quite honestly thrown me for a loop...

Yesterday, Tsegereda told me "America no like" meaning she didn't like America. Taking into consideration that she said it at a moment when she was tired of waiting in a doctor's office and told that she couldn't leave yet, I know that she didn't fully mean it. But I heard a ring of truth in it as well. She's eight, she's a girl, and she's come to a country that she probably thought would be full of everything and anything that she wanted but instead she finds new rules and authority and expectations (yes, you need to pick up your own underwear off the floor), needles (vaccinations), weird food, and definitely not enough pink skirts or shoes. She has often sat in her walk-in closet, visibly upset, motioning angrily that Rodas has more of this or that or dismissing her clothes with disgust. I try not to take it personally, but it is so hard when we have painstakingly worked to fill that closet. Perhaps it was too full and the more choices I provided led to greater expectations. I tried to keep things to a reasonable amount--in both clothes and toys--knowing that it was important to keep stimulation to a minimum in the beginning. But I honestly thought she would love her clothes--and she does some--but I wasn't expecting the anger and disappointment as well.

Another thing I did not expect has been their response to food. Many international adoptees have food issues when they first come home, often being preoccupied with food, eating past the point of being full, and hoarding food. I was prepared for this, setting up snack bags for the girls to keep with them wherever they went, and making sure a bowl full of fruit and a shelf of healthy snacks would always be within reach. I was not prepared for them to not want to eat anything American. At all! They seem to be waiting for the Injera (fermented pancake that is the mainstay of most Ethiopian dishes) to suddenly appear, and continually dismiss trying and eating most dishes I put in front of them. They are currently existing on scrambled eggs and plain bagels with berbere (Ethiopian spice which is essentially chili powder on steroids) on them. My attempts at Ethiopian dishes are hit or miss, usually miss, but the rest of the family does not like the food (too spicy hot and for me, too much onion), and so it is not something I am going to make every night. Plus, after numerous attempts, I have yet to make edible Injera! I have explained to the girls that they are in America now and that we will be eating American AND some Ethiopian food, not just Ethiopian food. I don't know if they understood. Tsegereda is trying a little more, but will often eat a dish one day and ask for it the next, only to shake her head and push it away when it is placed before her.

I think they are still looking for Injera to rain from the heavens...

So, I give them two options for every meal, one of which is always eggs and a bagel. They have begun to push away their scrambled eggs, and I think the bagels might not be far behind. I hate to let hunger steer their resignation towards trying and eating new foods, but they are not embracing adaptation and I am already stretched thin enough that becoming a short-order cook for three children (to be honest, Noah is almost as picky as they are) is simply not possible. Our girls are surprisingly healthy, but I still feel guilty and sad. I know that part of their treatment of food is control, part is probably mourning for a country and comfort lost, but part is probably hope that it will come back. My numerous attempts at Injera have not worked and the closest source is two hours away. So, adaptation it must be.

I'm so sorry, my girls!

On the positive side, there are things they love about being here (besides Daddy) such as swimming and swinging. They love playing in our inflated pool with the boys, and have spent numerous days sitting in the pool pouring buckets of water over their heads or wearing goggles and swimming underwater (Tse). It has taken more than two weeks, but the girls finally gave in and wore their swimsuits!!!!


We took them to Huntington Reservoir last Saturday to play in the water and mud and go kayaking if they wanted. They loved it, Tsegereda especially. The girl is a fish and I can't wait until she is ready to be in swim lessons!


The dogs also seem to be growing on them, and can finally roam the house free. Rodas will still give Silver the evil eye if he gets too close uninvited, but she has really come a long way seeing as she used to scream at the mere sight of them! Tse loves Sage and is starting to enjoy Silver as well. I really think that when she understands his background, she will recognize a kindred spirit that has been treated unfairly by those who were supposed to love and take care of him. Only time will tell. For now, I just pray that the mutts don't run over the girls in an attempt to catch a frisbee and thus set us back two weeks! (0:

As I look back over the past almost three weeks, I know that things are getting better. The tantrums are less, and less severe, for the most part. It has just been hard adjusting. I expected it from a toddler--and am pretty good at dealing with her (though her tantrums leave Noah's in the dust!). It is Tse's silent tantrums that I am not sure how to deal with. When told "no" or rebuked in any way (i.e., asked to give a toy back that she took from Rodas) she withdraws into herself and becomes unresponsive. She won't look at you or respond and simply looks down, picking at her fingers or clothes. I am sure it is a survival response learned in ET, but it is a wall that is hard to break through. We try to stay close and eventually she reappears as though nothing happened. It has become frustrating when it occurs at a time when time is of the essence, and my patience has snapped a time or two, but we at least know what to expect. She hasn't swatted at any of us for a while and can be so very delightful when she is in happy mode. Both girls are a delight and such sparkly souls...I know that they likely have some dark shadows locked in their memories, and I try to remind myself that much of their behavior probably comes from their dealing with the rough hand life has dealt them. I need to work harder at being understanding, but it is a struggle sometimes when you are the one that gets the brunt of the unpleasant behavior.

It could be so much worse, though, so I remind myself to count my lucky stars. This is what we have spent the past three years to find, and now that it is here, we can't expect it to be Happily Ever After. The girls didn't find their utopia in America...they found a family that will love them forever. WE didn't find purely sugar in Ethiopia...we found the sugar and spice that were meant to make our family complete. We will deal with spicy, because the sugar makes it all worth it!!!