Nope, Not Monday!

Okay, so "Come Monday, everything will be alright" wasn't true. Maybe "Come Tuesday" or "Come Wednesday" will be more accurate! Right now we can only hope...

Yes, this means that we are still waiting to hear when our court date has been scheduled. Hopefully we will hear sometime this week, but you know how that's gone so far. ;0)

I did not, however, fret about the court date all weekend because surprisingly I had another adoption issue on my mind...trying to figure out how old my oldest daughter truly is! Let's go back a few weeks: the U.S. Embassy in Ethiopia has begun to have a medical doctor assess a child's age during the Embassy medical exam, done shortly before the Embassy interview in which you apply and hopefully receive your child's visa to enter the United States. Two traveling families were recently delayed in Ethiopia because their children were given ages by the Embassy doctor much older than what was on their paperwork--AND older than the families were approved to adopt in their home studies. So, they had to have their home studies amended and submitted to the USCIS (Immigration Service) before they could bring their children home. Amazingly they were both able to do it within a few days thanks to some very helpful U.S. social workers and Embassy personnel.

When I first heard about this I actually gave a sigh of relief because during our home study update last fall I had requested our age range for children be increased to 10 years old. We knew that we wanted to try to adopt children younger than Wyatt, but we'd seen enough crazy stuff that I thought I'd just play it safe. Just because you put 10 years does not mean you have to adopt a 10 year old, it just means you are approved to adopt children up to that age. Miss T is supposed to be 6, although we figured she was probably closer to 7, maybe even 8, given her size and tooth loss (she is the same size as Wyatt and has the same tooth missing that Wyatt does). That's a long ways from 10 years old, so I figured we would be fine.

Well, panic started to set in on Friday when it came out that the Embassy added three to four years onto some of the children's ages. I did the math and thought if they look at T and add four to five years to her age, we could be in big trouble. For most people, a home study amendment is a pain but not too difficult. For us it would be EXCRUCIATING! When our home study agency found out that we were adopting from Ethiopia through a different agency, they wanted to drop us cold. They actually told us when we requested a change of country to Ethiopia amendment (a piece of paper with one paragraph on it saying we were changing countries) that they would no longer help us. They actually DID drop us cold without batting an eye. If we hadn't fought tooth and nail and pleaded incessantly until they agreed to do that one additional thing for us, then we would have had to do a WHOLE NEW HOME STUDY! That would have taken a couple of months at least and two or more thousand dollars, at least. We agreed that we would not ask anything more of them and would find someone else to do our post-placement reports after the girls came home (Ethiopia requires reports, done by a LCSW, at three months, six months and one year after you bring your adopted children home).

So, panic is squeezing my heart at the thought of "what if the Embassy puts T at 11?" Our home study agency will not lift a finger to help us. We'll have serious issues. Another social worker cannot do an amendment and add it to your home study--they would have to do a whole new home study.

I sent out a note to the agency Yahoo email group asking for opinions of those that have traveled to Mekele and met T. How old do you think she is? Guesses ranged from 7 to 11, most putting her in the 8-10 year range. So, there's still hope but there's still a chance that the Embassy doctor puts her at the high age estimate of 11 as well. EEEK! We are going to be living on egg shells from the time we receive our court decree to the time when we hear about the Embassy medical exam results (which hopefully we will hear about before we travel...).

Then there is also the issue of preparing mentally for a much older T than originally planned for. We love her no matter what and will do whatever it takes to bring her home, but the fact is, we've been preparing for a 7-8 year old, not a 9-10 year old. Now, we're not quite sure WHAT to prepare for. We can and will handle it, and to be honest, she will likely be much "younger" in many ways anyways. We will do our best to address her needs best at whatever level she is at, despite what age she is given.

Wyatt is another issue. He has clung to the idea of being the "big brother" and the oldest child in our family. It is his safety blanket in the face of the uncertainty of his new sisters, and he has been adamant that he wants to be the oldest, even if T's birthday is only one day later than his. The fact that his sister may in fact be older than him will be very difficult for him to swallow. We will be honest with him, and focus on how she will likely look to him no matter what to help her navigate this crazy new culture. Already figuring there was a chance she was his age or slightly older, we had already begun talking to him about how he will be the older brother no matter what her age is. Now we really need to push it, and let him know the likely reality of it. Poor kid, for two years he has been so wonderful about the idea of sharing his family with two new siblings--this is the only thing that he has truly asked for (other than "does it have to be two girls?") :0) I know that he will open his mind and heart to her, I just wish that it didn't have to be so difficult!

So, we sit and wait. Wait for a court date. Wait and see how old the Embassy doctor believes our daughter to be. And we pray. Because right now, we are not in control of anything and things could get a whole lot harder (joy, oh joy, we know how that goes...). Please keep your fingers crossed for us. Maybe some toes as well...