To Eat or Not to Eat...

Okay, so overall things have gone well this past month. Rodas turned three (legally) and enjoyed a quiet family party. She loved getting presents and really loved her "chocolate princess" cake even though I have to say it was the absolute UGLIEST cake I have ever made. One whole side had crumbled down and my icing was too stiff. It did taste really good, but looked really bad. Luckily, she didn't have a good basis of comparison so she was happy! (0:

We enjoyed a nice Thanksgiving in Orem with my Mother-in-law's side of the family (full of many, many, many warm and welcoming family members) and the girls were a little overwhelmed at first, as anyone new usually is, but warmed up after dinner and were playing with all the big and little Steeles like pros. It was nice for them to put a face to those that we have included in our prayers. We also were able to, at the first of the month, don our snowsuits and tromp up the mountain to find our Christmas tree. Tsegereda/Rosalie LOVED the snow and it was wonderful to hear her giggles of joy as she threw snow on her brothers and slid down hills on her bottom. Rodas/Reyne napped in the car on the way up and, true to her nature, was extremely grumpy after waking up. I was hoping that the snow would cheer her up, but she became extremely upset at the inflexibility of her pretty purple snowsuit (think "A Christmas Story" where he describes his immobile, snowsuit-clad brother on the ground after the bully pushes him..."Randy lay there like a slug, it was his only defense.") and fought to take it all off--OUTSIDE in the falling snow! So, I put her back in the truck where she proceeded to cry and holler for 15 minutes. When the racket softened, I opened the door and, with the understanding that the jacket and pants stay on for her own good, she assented to coming out. She proceeded to play with sister and Noah in the snow and decided it might not be so bad. I am not so optimistic about the prospects for fun family snowshoe trips this winter, however.

The tree is now up, sparkling and beautiful--all 12 feet of it--and we decorated it as a family. The girls ask a lot about Santa and Tsegereda is incredulous at this jolly man who can do so much in one night. I am quite sure she is plotting to sneak a peek at him, so Santa better watch his step this year...

We also had the girls' first dance program. Rodas was a little scared and clung to me, but once on stage she had a ball and stole the show! Tsegereda did wonderful as well and wasn't nervous at all. Both girls enjoy dance, although Rodas gets nervous at being "left" at class and occasionally tries to get out of going. I think only time and consistency will prove to her that Mommy or Daddy will always be there to pick her up. I ALWAYS tell her that I will come back and that I'm not leaving her, she's going to her class to which I can't attend. Heaven forbid anything happens to delay our getting her someday...

I think one of the biggest issues I have struggled with this month is the continued resistance of Rodas to expand her diet. She has gained only six ounces since coming to America and that simply breaks my heart!!! She exists primarily on bread (at least it's whole wheat now) and eggs, with the occasional roasted chicken or hamburger (just bun and meat, nothing else), and carrot. She gets a small treat out of her treat bag (Halloween candy) if she eats well and eats a vegetable and fruit. She will eat one mini carrot, but refuses all fruit except occasionally a few raisins. She and Tse will tell me stories of the tomatoes, salad, meats and pastas that she ate in Ethiopia and it simply perplexes me. Her caregiver in Ethiopia, when asked to tell us something about Rodas (we hadn't met her yet), told us simply "she likes her food."

HA!

Anyways, it all just confirms to me that it is not a matter of taste but a matter of control and will power. The rule at our table used to be, you had to try what was being served before you could get something else. The "something else" was one option: cereal. Noah has always been a very picky eater as well, and when there were only two kids it wasn't that hard to give him a bowl of cereal (after he tried our meal) or even a sandwich so I was never that hard on the boy. When the girls came, I bent over backwards to get them to eat but that lasted a very short while. I hate to cook and seriously took issue with the demanding manners that the girls first came with, so I tried to toughen up the food rules. After continually having them wrinkle their noses and tell me they didn't like something, without even trying it--pushing it away and settling for just a slice of bread for dinner (I always tried to include one thing, bread, that I knew they'd eat)--I was at my wits end. Rodas even picked apart and only half-ate my Ethiopian dishes that Tse said were very good and just like in Ethiopia. I eventually pulled the bread, but then Rodas just went without eating anything, numerous times.

Breakfast was another fight--for the two boys it has never been tough--cereal, cereal or cereal. The girls don't do cereal (Cheerios was big for a short stint and now will not be touched) and love to short-order eggs with toast/bread on the side (nothing added to the eggs except salt and not too many chunks of white or you hear lots of complaining and "I don't like the white, Mom!"). My tradition has been to cook hot breakfast on the weekend and cereal for school days (it's faster) so cooking eggs, although truly not that difficult, still adds some more chaos to the normal morning rush.

Last week I'd finally had it. I was grumpy and tired of all the demanding and feeling like a short-order cook who only hears complaints about what's cooked and throwing half the food away, uneaten. Colt and I talked about it and he said, why give any option other than what's on the table? We didn't have that growing up. I didn't, but I honestly thought Colt did because he is, well, a picky eater. He doesn't ever complain about what I cook, but I know most of his "food rules" and have always tended to cook around his likes and dislikes. He proceeded to tell me he often went without food for dinner and it didn't hurt him. I'm a pretty tough Mommy, but there's just something in me that hates the idea of my babies going to bed hungry. Especially when I'm sure those babies have been seriously hungry--to the point of near malnourishment--before. Now, Tse tells me they always had plenty of food in Ethiopia, but when you look at their pictures from when they first came to the orphanage, Tse had sunken cheeks and was seriously gaunt and Rodas had huge eyes that just echoed with need. Tse's transformation while in the orphanage and even more since coming home has proven to me her prior lack of adequate nutrition.

The jury's still out on Rodas.

So, we're trying the new rule and it's actually working pretty well. Rodas is still often choosing to go without dinner, but this morning she tried french toast for the first time (she ate it with us in Et but would never try mine). Our nurse had told us to let hunger drive her, and I thought I was doing so...but I wasn't. I have talked with her about embracing the fact that she is now American and that that doesn't mean she must let go of her Ethiopian roots, but that she can embrace both (i.e., eating American doesn't mean she's betraying Ethiopia), but I'm not sure she understood. So, we'll see if the hard-line works. Keep your fingers crossed.