Come Monday...

Well, it seems that April did not rain down enough court dates, for we still do not have one for our girls. Our agency director is hopeful that we will know the date by Monday and that it will be for sometime towards the end of May. Of course, it is not in his hands but the hands of the Ethiopian courts so who knows. As the girls are not biologically related, they will have separate cases but they will be heard simultaneously, thus we should still only have one court date to worry about.

I am doing my best to remain positive, but I keep having this sinking feeling creep in that something is going to go wrong...as it has in the past. My sweet friend who received her court date already has been wonderful at sending positive notes and vibes my way. She understands so well how the shadows of past pain try to overcome the brightness of this new hope. I don't think she truly knows how much her support has meant to me, though--so if she reads this I hope she realizes how deeply grateful I am to her for her unflagging optimism. I am fighting the sinking feeling, and trying not to live and breathe this, but it is hard.

So, in the words of one of my favorite Buffet songs...

"Come Monday, it'll be alright..."

No court date yet, but more info...

Well, the wonderful news is that a very dear friend of mine--a fellow battle-scarred veteran from the Uganda heartbreak--received news that their court date is scheduled for the middle of May. They are adopting three ADORABLE siblings. We've been on such a long journey together that we are secretly (or not so secretly now) hoping to travel together as a sort of "triumphant" celebration that happy endings do happen.

Our dossier/paperwork HAS been submitted to the court and we hope to hear when our court date will be scheduled by next week. Thursdays seem to be the day, so tune in on Friday and hopefully I'll have some good news...

For those of you in the process of adopting from Ethiopia (or thinking about it), it has now become a requirement that, after May 9th, one parent will be required to be present in Ethiopia for the court date. So, essentially from here on out adopting from Ethiopia will in fact require two trips to Ethiopia. We are lucky in that our paperwork is already submitted to the court so we will not have to travel twice, but we just barely made it!

Another interesting twist has occurred in that one family that is in ET now to pick up their children, ran into an issue at the Embassy where the Embassy doctor claimed their son was 11 (he was supposed to be only eight). The Embassy has now said that the doctors performing the Embassy medical exam will "estimate" the child's age and that if the parent's I-600A doesn't approve them for a child of that age then a homestudy revision will need to occur before they will issue the child a visa to come to the U.S. For parents just starting out this process: BE VERY GENERAL IN YOUR HOME STUDY PREFERENCES and HAVE HIGH AGE RANGES, even if you are not expecting to adopt a child that old. First of all, the child that you think you are looking for might not be the child you are meant to have. Second of all, should the Embassy Doc think your little one is three or four years older than his paperwork says, then you're still approved through the Embassy. We learned this after a number of home study amendments, revisions and an update and wish that someone had suggested this to us in the beginning. Hopefully we will be okay with Miss T--she is aged at six (we know she is probably closer to at least seven) but we are approved through our home study for children up to 10 years old. Still, keep your fingers crossed. I do not agree with totally subjective age assessment, but it is what it is.


So, as I anxiously wait for next week to roll in, I will occupy myself with putting together one more set of care packages (that will travel to ET towards the end of May) and trust that this will truly happen. These girls living half-way across the world from us are truly meant to be our daughters.

This will happen.

Another Week Wanders By...

Well, we are still waiting to hear about when our court date will be scheduled. In the whole scheme of things this wait is truly a drop in the bucket...but somehow, even knowing that, it still is excruciating!

This past week a number of families had their court dates and some passed, some didn't. The lucky thing for those that did not pass is that their next court dates were rescheduled quickly, most happening within the next few weeks.

This week also heralded another set of care packages making their way to Mekele. At least two families with Embassy dates next week left this past Tues. or Weds. to travel to northern ET before going to Addis for their children. One of those families is carrying another two bags of love for T & R. Inside are some DVDs that teach basic sign language (awesome program called Signing Time that is directed towards young children) and a short video of Colt, I, the boys and the dogs. We humans introduced ourselves in English and Tigrinya, and hopefully didn't butcher the Tigrinya too badly. Hopefully the nannies will play it for the girls and they will get the idea of who we truly are. Hopefully. If not, Noah did a good job of providing comedic relief so it will be entertaining at least!

Let us hope that they all travel safely, that our girls are well and will hopefully understand what we are trying to tell them, and that April will shower us in rain AND court dates!!!!

Lessons From A Rescue Dog

So it has nearly been one year since our Silver joined our family, and in that time the mutt has managed to trounce his way into all of our hearts and build a permanent spot. He was a rescue dog, but I'm beginning to think that the truth is that he was the one doing the rescuing. Not only has he eased the pain of the loss of our sweet Smoke, he serendipitously has opened our eyes to some of the issues that we might have to deal with when T and R get home. Sounds a bit corny, but I really think that we are better prepared for T and R having dealt with Silver's transition into our family. Let me explain...

When we lost our Smoke, in March of 09, we knew there would never be another like her. Our ten year old Sage, who had never lived a day without her sister, was lost without her and I knew that I had to find another dog to fill the chasm left by Smoke. We were in the middle of deciding to accept the referral of Samuel and Angella at the time, and I knew that my sanity would not be able to take a puppy. Sage, who is not the most dog-friendly dog, would not have welcomed a puppy either. So, I began to look at weimaraner rescue sites and BAM! I found him. I knew he was the one, and I knew that Smoke had a paw in it because I could see her in him. Literally. We drove six hours to meet him, found out that he somehow had the amazing ability to be playful yet let Sage fetch all the sticks (even though you knew he wanted them), and drove home with him. His weakness: chewing blankets in his crate. Shredded 'em to pieces on the way home, but never whined or made a peep the whole drive.

While he was shredding his blankets, this is what he was conniving to teach us:

1) I have been left before and I expect to be left again...
I know that there will very likely be attachment issues--all the books say so as well as other adoptive parents. But Silver has shown me the face of attachment issues. Weimaraners are people-oriented dogs and tend to follow their owners everywhere. Silver takes that to the nth degree. He latched onto me, and goes everywhere I go. EVERYWHERE! He is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing at night. I could not even use the bathroom without him. Seriously. The funny thing is, if I took him out the front door without a leash, without a fence to corral him in, the dog is gone. GONE! Without a backwards glance he runs as if his life depends on it. So all this time I was thinking the dog seriously adored me, and it takes mere seconds for him to leave me in the dust...I don't get it!

Well, after spending a year with him I realize that the clinginess was, at first, a survival mechanism. I provided food and water and as he was "trapped" in this new cage of a family, he was going to make sure those things were provided for. As the year progressed, he realized that it wasn't so bad being a part of our family. He began to loosen up his hold on me, going outside for longer periods without me, staying in one room for a bit while I moved on into another, and even sleeping downstairs all night (not snoring on the floor by my side of the bed)! While he still has separation issues, such as letting me "know" that he doesn't appreciate being left by tearing up things (the bag of grout was a fun one!) or grabbing things off the counter (two loaves of my yummy LaBrea multi-grain bread and counting...), he doesn't do it all the time.

While we don't trust him enough to let him run off leash, we do let him out the front door now without a leash when we are headed out for a hike or run. He heads straight to the back of the truck and never once has he taken off for freedom. He still lets me know when I've left him too much (my poor LaBrea bread...), and he probably always will, but I realize that it is his insecurity that is talking. Dealing with his insecurity is a matter of time and our earning his trust. Trust that we won't leave him, for good. Trust that we will keep coming back. Trust that we will love and not kick him, and trust that we will come after him if he does run. Trust that our family and our home is not just one more stop in his life of endless transitions. Trust that finally he has found a home and a family...for forever.

So, T & R, we now truly understand that we will have to earn your trust. We understand that your only security for a while might be in each other. We understand that you might do things to push us away (poor LaBrea bread) or "hurry-up" the leaving because you figure it will probably happen anyways. We realize that for a long time you might not understand that we are your family. Forever. For a long time you might be waiting for someone else to come and take you or for the "good" to go away. Like Silver, you may have been kicked and hurt by those that were supposed to love you. You might still carry those bruises, buried deep down. It will take time for you to see that our love is different. Our love is gentle and kind, big and homemade. You might not even know how to trust. It will take time and hard work...but we will show it and we will earn it.


2) Rules, rules, rules...where's the guide book to this crazy family anyways?
Rule #1: Don't pee in the house.
We had been told he was house-trained with a doggy door. Doggy door is the operative word. We did not have a doggy door from the house to the outside and had hoped that he would learn to let us know when he needed to go out, as Sage did. Nope. If you weren't at the door in a milli-second, he peed. Actually he peed a lot. I should have bought stock in Nature's Miracle he peed so much.

So, we put in a doggy door. Voila! No more peeing in the house.

Now he even waits at the door if we forget and leave the doggy door cover on so he can't get out. No more peeing in the house.

Rule #2: Don't beg.
Silver discovered that Noah and Wyatt are a wealth of sustenance and literally began to rest his head in their laps as they would eat at the table. Knowing that he wasn't trained like Sage, I actually let him do it. When one day Colt mentioned his begging, I realized that I was giving him a free pass because of his history. I grabbed a dog biscuit, asked him to sit and stay (a concept I'd been working on with him but that hadn't seemed to be sinking in...) and held the biscuit on the table. It worked! He got the biscuit and freedom when we were done eating. It took one time and now it is routine--though I have to shake the treat container to remind him to stay until he is released.

I let him get away with what no other dog did because of his past.

So, T&R, we know that you will enter our family coming from a background of different rules and values. It will be our job to show you our culture and values and we know to not expect you to understand them at first. We will take into consideration your past, but not let it define solely who you are in our eyes. And, we will try to build you the "doggy doors" that you need.

3) FOOD RULES!
Silver will do anything for food. Anything. He also drinks like there's no tomorrow if a new bowl of water is put down. Whether he has just drank another bowl full or not, he'll down it.

I know...I KNOW, that Silver has gone hungry and has gone without water. He has not forgotten that feeling and might never forget it. So I must do my best to show him that he will never go hungry or thirsty on my watch. He eats twice a day, really good dog food, and there is a HUGE water bowl that will never be empty.

So, T&R, we look at the pictures of you as you entered the care center and from the shadows of the hollows where cheeks should have been (T) it is clear that you have known some amount of true hunger in your life. We will keep fresh fruit always available and water at hand. Snacks will always accompany us. You will not go hungry here.

4) Change is not one-sided
I look at Silver, now running around with Sage's frisbee, taunting the poor obsessive dog to chase him, and I think how we may have given him a home...but he has given all of us so much more.

He has taught us how to love and soothe and listen to a soul that has been battered in ways we cannot comprehend. He has taught us that we have tolerance we did not think we had and that some things we are not going to be prepared for, but we will probably muddle through okay. He taught us that he was meant to be in our family and if we don't give up on him, he will not give up on us.

He has taught us that we all continue to learn about trust, tolerance, dealing with the past, and change. T & R will change our family, just as Silver has put his paw-print on our way of life. It will not be all roses and rainbows, but if you build the right doggy doors then the roses and rainbows will outnumber the rain clouds.