The Aftermath....

So it's been hard to sit down and do another post...it's like I'm putting Val on the shelf next to all the old posts just sitting there, gathering dust.  I don't want to do that.  But the necessity of those of us left in this mortal coil is that we have to move on.  Life is about moving on.  Doesn't mean we have to forget, and we don't, but we have to move forward.  As I watch Colt mourn, the good moments are starting to outnumber the bad...but there are still times when I enter the room and catch him stopped in the middle of doing something with tears rolling down his face.  He was so close to his father and Val's death has hit him so very hard.  It is hard standing by and knowing there is no way that I can make it better.  We wives just have to stand by and let time--that incessant moving forward--ease their hurt.

November trudged on, not stopping to honor the fallen unfortunately.  We did have some moments of joy, though.  Rodas, Noah and Sage (13!) celebrated birthdays and Noah was baptized into the LDS church.  The baptism was beautiful, and a sweet balm on the open wounds we all felt at missing Val.  I think it helped us all, a bit, with that moving on part.

I want to do a post on being a non-member raising my kids in the Church, but my one brain cell is not up to it tonight.  It will be coming though...

Thanksgiving was beautiful, and spent with my folks in Grand Lake, CO.  It was nice to spend some time with my parents and also gave my Mom and me time to hatch a new business concoction:  selling her incredible handmade moose, snowmen and santas on etsy.com.  So, if you have noticed the new addition to the blog's sidebar (scroll down, you seriously can't miss the monstrosity) you'll find an "I sell on Etsy" link that goes directly to the shop called Mountain Thyme Collections that I have opened to sell Mom's awesome crafts.  She really is incredibly gifted (none of which drifted into my genome) and I simply love her creations. I hope they begin to sell well, especially since many of the items have taken over our spare bedroom. (0:  Eleven things listed...two hundred more to go.  Seriously. (0:

October was just as eventful as November, with Wyatt celebrating a birthday and Colt having some pretty intense knee surgery.  It's been 8 weeks now since the surgery and he has been without crutches for two days.  He looks like a baby taking his first steps and it is hard to not help him, but the doc says he needs to put weight on it now.  He has had trouble with his quad "waking up" and so has been in therapy for the last three weeks where they have been working it and giving it electrical shocks to get it going.  It's going now, but the progress is still slow.  Colt's been pretty patient and done fairly well, but I have to say that I SUCK at being a nurse!  And, I HATE COMPRESSION SOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!! (0:

As Christmas careens closer, we finally seem to have entered winter.  It is white all around, I've been stuck in our driveway twice today and shoveled three times (though you can't tell), and Jasper is merely two ear tips swimming through a sea of snow.  Finally!  We so desperately need the moisture...it is a wonderful early Christmas present!  We went to get our Christmas tree Saturday after I worked in Steamboat at the World Snowboard Race to the Cup (I was a gate judge halfway up the ski hill and it was pretty cool watching close-up some amazing snowboarders from all over the world).  It was white-out conditions and we only had an hour before dark, but the kids and I donned snowshoes (Wy went on his XC skis) and boogied to find a good one.  Within 30 minutes we had found a beauty, cut it down and had it loaded.  She's an absolutely beautiful sub-alpine fir (my favorite, Colt's least favorite) and fits us perfectly.  Now she is lit, decorated, and finally, 'tis the season.

From our family to yours:  Have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2013!  May it be full of good health, laughter and love!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Crutches

Happy Halloween!  Complete with Harry Potter, Hermione, a  Dementor and SpiderGirl

Rodas has now surpassed everyone in the family--including Colt--for the largest  gap in her mouth (three teeth lost this Fall and counting...)

Jasper stared intently at the Thanksgiving stuffing for five minutes, willing it to come to him.  It didn't.

Crazy little dudes ran the Steamboat Springs 4.6 mile Turkey Trot.  Brrrrrrrrrrr.

Little Princess turned 5!

Tse and Jasper with my parents' dog, Tinker.  Pretty awesome front yard, eh?

Val J. Mortenson

Cowboy,

Teacher,

Firefighter,

Bronco rider,

Sheep shearer,

Hard-worker,

Hard-headed,

Nomex-wearin',

Never met a stranger,

Boots on all the time,

Loved Diamond,

Cola drinkin',

Latter Day Saint,

Rarely smiled for pictures,

Hard on tools,

Easy to feed,

Preferred not to eat olives,

Loved mutton,

Black bananas and vanilla wafers,

Frustrating,

Outdoors man,

Never wore new,

Took a few tumbles,

Had a few helicopter rides,

Lucky,

Friend,

Brother,

Husband,

Dad,

Grandpa,

November 8, 2012,

Guardian Cowboy Angel.

S P A C E

I think the most difficult aspect of motherhood, for me, has been loss of space.  My space.

I like my space.  I like room to breathe and space to move.  I'm comfortable being alone.  I prefer to fish alone, just me and my rod and my imperfections and tangled line.  When I am in pain, I want to be alone.  Sometimes, I simply need to be alone.

That doesn't happen much in my current life.  Even now, as I type, Rodas is on the arm of my computer chair in her pj's asking four hundred questions to try and delay bedtime. Speaking of which...

...okay, book read and Little One is tucked in.  Computer chair is free for the moment.

Oh yes, I was rambling on about space.  Don't get me wrong, I love my children...heck, we went half-way across the world to find two of them!  But everything worth anything costs something.  And for me, the cost wasn't monetary, simply a matter of personal peace.  I'm willing to give up my space, but that doesn't mean there are times that I don't miss it.

Some mothers are very good at giving all to their family and not feeling spent in any way.  Somehow their bucket just keeps refilling.  One of my dear friends, who has just had her fifth adorable child, home-schools them all, makes homemade bread and bunk beds and has a husband who is gone as much or more than mine, is one such sweet soul.  I don't know how she does it, when after two weeks without respite I tend to become crankier than Archie Bunker.

Even harder is the fact that two of my children, and my four-legged shadow, Silver, desperately need to be within my personal bubble as much as possible.  And they deserve it.  Oh, how they deserve it.  And, I work hard to allow it...to welcome it...but it is so incredibly tough.  And sometimes, I fail.  Sometimes I just shut the bathroom door, closing both Silver and Rodas out for a few brief moments of respite.  Sometimes I ask Tse to move her head just a little bit away from mine so that I can see the words of the book to read them.  I can read the words fine...I just needed to breathe.

And every time I fail, I feel so guilty because I know they deserve so much more.  Children today often are raised by helicopter parents whose lives revolve around their kids.  They end up raising children who get a rude awakening when they are older to realize that life actually doesn't revolve around them and when they demand that it does, they don't get a paycheck.  We won't have that problem, I don't think.  My needy munchkins have such a different circumstance that even if Colt and I gave them all that we could, it still probably wouldn't be quite enough to overcome what walked away from them years ago.  But we have to try.

So, I dream of the days when there was room to breathe...but I am blessed to have incurred such a loss.

So, on to what we have been doing this past month!  Colt has been gone for most of it, spending a few weeks in northern California on a fire and now has been in Idaho (just north of our old home, Salmon) for over a week.  Below-freezing nights in a tent, working 16+ hour days managing a 340,000 acre fire.  That's my man! And we are so proud of him!  Don't have to worry about not having enough space with him, unfortunately! (0:  Anyways, our month in pics:

It's autumn on the Elkhead!

Noah and Uncle Jackie (my brother) playing on the tramp.

My creative children took turns making each other into block robots.  Too cool!

Tse's in there somewhere...

Wyatt (blue shirt, red shorts), Noah (striped hat) and Mom starting the Leaf Cruncher 5K.

The only time Mom can keep up with Noah...when he has a side-ache!

Speedy Wy, off to win his age group.

Wyatt, Rodas and Tse at the start of the Leaf Cruncher 1-mile Fun Run.  

Rodas begged to run the 1-mile race and Wyatt wanted to help her.
I said "yes" but knew it wouldn't be easy...it wasn't.

...but he got her moving...

...and smiling...

...and finishing!  I'm so proud of both of them! 

Vice versa day at school--hmmm.  Thinkin' I like it the other way around!

Tiger, our friendly neighborhood cat, taunting the dogs.
Life can be so unfair!

My Hahn's Peak runners!

Noah coming in for the finish of the 1.5 mile kids race.

Rodas wanted to run again, this time big sister helped
keep her going!  Way to go, girls!

My 1.5 mile runners!

Wyatt at the start of his first 10K (6.4 miles).
He ran it solo, and it was an extremely tough 10K.
1200+ft elevation gain and decline through timber, meadow and scree slopes.

I began to worry at 1 hour and 30 minutes.
What was I doing letting my 9-yr. old run this alone?
But, he's wanted to do a 10K so bad.  He's ran 7 miles with Dad on rough trails.
Even if I ran it, there was no way I could keep up with him...
Please let him not have fallen with no one to help him...
Please let him not get lost...
The first runner came in at 1 hr. 47 min.
He said the little guy was doing well last he saw...
Fifteen minutes later, the second runner came in...
a little red-clad body wearing a huge smile!
What a kid, eh?
(0:

Division and Multiplication

 

 
September.  Fall.  School.

yippee!

I have to say, I was ready in many ways for school to start this year.  Not that I am prepared for the afternoon/evening craziness of trying to figure out how to fit all our various activities, homework and dinner and an 8:00 p.m. bedtime (kids catch the bus at 7:00 a.m.) into a few short hours (the kids get off the bus at 4:40)...but I am VERY ready for the kids to have something and someone else occupy their time for a while! (0;

The munchkins were ready as well--except Rodas, who knows that school means the loss of constant playmates and especially her favorite being in the whole world, big sister.  Her closeness to her sister, almost to the exclusion of anyone else at times, was actually a bit of a project this summer though it is going to be a very long work in progress.  Her dependence and blind devotion to her sister is understandable--Tsegereda has been the ONLY constant in Rodas' short life.  As far as the little one can remember, Tse has been there.  Everyone else, including her biological parents and siblings, have flitted through her life, not staying long.  For all her life, Tsegereda has been there...helping her, taking care of her, playing with her, loving her.  She has actually now spent almost as much of her life with us as she spent in Ethiopia, but that stability seems to not have sunken in yet, as her security blanket remains her sister.

We didn't want to disturb that safety line through the initial transition into our family, but now that we're over two years in, we felt it was time to help her expand her trust to the rest of the family--especially Wyatt and Noah.  Under the guise of trying to reduce squabbling and tears that invariably happens when all four jump on the trampoline together, the kids were only allowed this summer to jump two at a time, and in brother-sister pairs.  Heehee.  Squabbling did lessen quite a bit, but an even greater reward was the fact that Rodas found fun in brothers.  She's known it before--she plays wonderfully (or awfully) with Noah when no one else is around, but will immediately drop everything and follow Tse when she enters the room.  Noah and Wyatt were also called upon more this summer to help Rodas get ready for bed--which the boys actually took in stride and with pride and did awesome at!  Made me regret not asking them to help more before this.  Rodas was not so thrilled at Noah's tooth-brushing expertise, but, well, it's a start.

My parents also stepped in to help, performing a two-fold triumph of giving Noah some badly-needed sole attention away from his attention-stealing younger sister and also separating the girls. Noah and Tsegereda stayed with Nana and PopPop for four days, after which I traded kids and my parents got Wyatt and Rodas.  The effect on Noah was wonderful and he responded by being a truly great kid for my parents.  While they were gone, Wyatt grudgingly slept in Tse's bed to comfort Rodas and the two played fairly well for the time.  While I wasn't sure Rodas would be able to say "hello" and "good-bye" again to her sister in one day, the "honor" of having it be her turn to stay at Nana's won out and she did it.   My parents were awesome, keeping the kids busy playing, working, eating ice cream and exploring the Grand Lake area.  Rodas had a ball and survived being without her sister for longer than she ever has before.

Did it have an effect?  Yes, but it is only evident in little things.  Where before she would only ask Tsegereda if she remembered some funny instance that happened to them, just yesterday in the car out popped, "Wyatt, did you remember when we were at Nana and PopPops and you snored so loud I didn't sleep good all night?"

It was little, but it was big.  It was a shared memory phrased in a way that had only previously included Tsegereda.  Sure, Rodas has lots of memories with the boys by now, and she talks about them sometimes...but when she said that sentence in the car it struck me because of how she said it.  She'll find her big brothers and realize they're not going away and in doing so, help them find a little sister that loves them too.  A simple matter of division and multiplication! (0;

Here's some photo highlights from the past month, including the awesome awards all the kiddos earned at the Moffat County Fair:

Noah's First Place Knex designs.

Noah and his Reserve Champion crayon drawing.  

Wy and his Reserve Champion Legos.  He won First Place for an Original Lego design as well.

Wyatt's Second Place painting.

Wyatt's Grand Champion pumpkin!  No matter that it was the ONLY pumpkin entered, it still was a beauty--a white-orange hybrid.

Tse's beautiful watercolor painting of our favorite hot air balloon, Flowers.

Tse won First Place for a pretty bracelet she made.

Tse and Rodas both won ribbons for jewelry, hanging on the wire rack behind them.

Grand Champion Rodas!  She drew a picture of her and Tse and two hot air ballons.

Wyatt was nominated for a youth reader award by the Hayden Public Library.
He won a $50 gift card  to a local bookstore!  Way to go, kiddo!

Tse in the Denver Zoo aviary.

Feeding pretty birds at the zoo!

Riding the carousel at the Denver Zoo.  Yeehaw!

Wy and Ry getting eaten by brass snake at the Denver Zoo.
Ouch.

Bakin' with Nana!

Nana and PopPop's backyard.  Cool.

Think we have hard ground?

Mid-August greenhouse bounty.

Colt on my b-day present.

Colt OFF my b-day present.

Taking a turn on my b-day present.  Pretty cool paddleboard!
Her name is pumpkin (she's bright orange on top).

Colt and Wyatt participating in Colt's Jane Fonda Triathlon for work.
Lycra and spandex were required...and worn.

Our antelope buck...not as frequent a visitor, but still around!

Late-August bounty from the greenhouse.

Outdoor garden pumpkin...going to be a big one!

Last day at the pool!

Tse mastering the paddleboard.

Too close for comfort!  Mom decided that if you aren't playing well together then you get to be stuck together, holding hands, until you can!  It was really fun when Rodas had to go to the bathroom!  Heehee. (0;